he wants to bone in the snuggie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
