i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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