you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
