My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
