I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
