I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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