She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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