just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
