I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
