You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
