I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do herpes really smell.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
