I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
