If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
