I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize