we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
