Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
