I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
