just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
