she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
