Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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