the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think your dad took our porno
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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