I will die if light touches me.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
