Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
