im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did i just pee glitter
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
