Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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