pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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