your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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