um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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