How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
