i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
