You just made me feel so damn special
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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