They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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