so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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