i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
