The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
