When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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