thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize