PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
