It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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