You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
