I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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