They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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