just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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