I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
