why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
