I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
