We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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