Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
