Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
