It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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