maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
