is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
