We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
