Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
