WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
