I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
