Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
