Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
