i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
