I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
