I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
