smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
