What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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