no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
