i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
