i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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