I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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