He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
